Tuesday, 5 June 2012

Sara, please stay strong.


You were my best man, best man :)

It really hurts but I have to move on.
You're just the part of me I can't let go but I have to do so. 
I'm away :'(
I'm sorry Salehuddin Abdullah. 


Even everyday, everytime i say this to you. But now from deeply of my heart i wanna say, im really miss you my man ♥ 

Please take care my man 

Damien Qaishara must stay strong. I will ;)

Friday, 20 April 2012

Get well soon to myself.



Hey, lama ta update blog sara, erm sory sara bz lately ni ngan diri sndri ta terurus ha. Sangat ta selesa bile dmam batuk selesema sakit tekak badan panas dan lemah sgt. ermm i really hate it! why this all must happen when im just alone, my family not around me :( hr ni sara just mkn sekeping roti with milo pns, then mlm just mkn 2 suap nasi then muntah back. omaigod, peritnya bile muntah. erm thats why tana mkn lngsung. biar la perot kosng dr mkn. mumy balik la cpt, i just need u rite now my. ermm :'( i want to go back to our house my, im not confortable here my. 

HIM : hey u sorry k, i mls na on my phone, i think this way much better for u n me rite? yes much better. now i will try my best to wake up to face the world. ermm im sory for all my mistakes, all ok. everything im sorry. pls fogive me. u buat la hal u i buat hal i ok? i rase i should to be alone, better for me. im sorry u. i hrp u akan bhgie ngn life u ok, jge diri tu tau. i cant take care of u anymore, sorry. all the present i bought i will give it to u ok. pls take care of it ok. i love u so much and this is the way i love you by let you go. bcause i love you, i let you go to go and find ur hapiness. youre still young, you can get the better one ok. I dont know how to show you how much I love you. I need to be appreciated for what I did not getting into a fight every single day IM SORRY ! I WILL MISS YOU -THE END-


Stranger : sory, ye sara peramah tp peramah sara tade over smpi na bg no fon smue ok. pls jge sikap tu. u as bf to my friend, pls take care of my friend, sory i ta ingin pn jdi ur gf no 2 ke apa ok. ta minat ! jgn na buat madu la pe la. ee tlg la. then to syafiq and friends, pls jgn la ckp na ngorat ke apa ke erk. tlg la. sara mmg jnis ramah tp ta minat la na lebih2 ni then sara ta ske org slh anggap ngan sikp ramah sara trhdp korang. sory kalu korang add sara ta apprve, bt pe sara na apprve? korang add sb na ngorat la pe la. yes laki mmg bt prmpn mcm baju, but sory  not me ok! Sory.


Monday, 16 April 2012

I don't know.


ya-allah. sara amat merindukan saleh allah. kenapa setiap kali kami nak berjumpa ada saja halangan allah. adakah engkau sdg menguji perhubungan kami allah. adakah engkau sedang mengaturkan ssuatu yg lebih baik utk aku dan dia. allah. sesungguhnya aku juga seperti wanita lain nak berjumpa bf aku sendiri, luangkan masa brsma dia allah. nape ni? aku bru saja nak bahagia ngan dia allah. nape asyik aku di beri dugaan sebegini allah. allah, kau kuatkan la hubungan aku ngan dia. aku amat menyayangi dia allah. kalu dia bukan jodoh aku. aku terima allah. aku berikan la dia jodoh yg baik allah, yg bole jage dia allah. 




subuh td aku hnya mmpu berdoa semoga perjalanan aku dr johor ke bangi selamat sampai, aku drive sorang dr johor ke bangi aku hnya mmpu berdoa. dan aku hnya mmpu bayangkan dia disamping aku, sbb aku tau dia sntiasa ade ngan aku time aku sedih and happy. disebabkan dady ngan mumy taleh ikut balik sekali sbb dady nak bawa mumy berubat kampung disebabkan kesihatan mumy. ya allah engkau sembuhkanlah segala penyakit mumyku allah, lindungi la dia, jauhi la dr segala penyakit allah. situasi ni sgt membuatkan aku jd runsing dan serabut. ngan aku smpi je pg td trus kena pegi office dady without breakfast then kena handle hal office disbbkan dady ta masuk office. tau pula aku pasal office? ya allah bantu la aku. ringankan la beban aku allah. aku sgt perlukan dia ms cmni allah. aku sgt perlukan dia allah.  kau berikanla aku petunjuk utk stiap mslah aku ni allah. ermmm. saleh, i sgt rindukan u n perlukan u disaat cmni salleh. im sorry. I MISS YOU, SALEH.




Saturday, 14 April 2012

Man, I miss you.




MYMAN, I MISS YOU SO MUCH. I JUST DONT WHY I REALLY MISS YOU RIGHT KNOW. I NEED YOU RIGHT HERE NEXT TO ME, I MISS YOU SO DAMN MUCH B. ALL I WANT YOU SO MUCH B. I FEEL LIKE CRYING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I MISS YOU :(


SALEHUDDIN ABDULLAH :*

Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Nobody knows.


Don't hold strong opinions about things you don't understand. 
My time has come, and so I'm gone. To a better place, far beyond. I love you all as you can see. But it's better now, because I'm free.
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.
It's hard to answer the question "what's wrong" when nothing is right.
I'm tired of trying, sick of crying, I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying.
Maybe one day it will be ok again. That's all I want. I don't care what it takes. I just want to be ok again.
When I was younger crying always seemed to be the answer. Now that I'm older crying seems to be the only option.
I guess there comes a point where you just have to stop trying because it hurts too much to hold on anymore.
You say I'm always happy, and that I'm good at what I do, but what you'll never realize is, I'm a damn good actress too.
Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
Tired of living and scared of dying.
I don't necessarily want to be happy; I just want to stop feeling miserable.
Don't fall into the trap of pretending everything's fine when you know it isn't.
I'm just learning how to smile, and that's not easy to do.
Sometimes it hurts more to smile in front of everyone, then to cry all alone.
I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiled. The one who could brighten up your day, even if she couldn't brighten her own.
Just when I thought my life was coming together, I realized it was just starting to fall apart.
Stop the world. I wanna get off.
I don't know what I want in life. I don't know what I want right now. All I know is that I'm hurting so much inside that it's eating me, and one day, there won't be any of me left.
Everything that ever caused a tear to trickle down my cheek, I ran away and hid from it. But now, everything is unwinding and finding its way back to me. And I don't know what to do. I just know that pain I felt so long ago; it's hurting ten times more.
It's the loneliest feeling in the world - to find yourself standing up when everyone else is sitting down. To have everybody look at you and say "what's the matter with her?" I know what it feels like. Walking down an empty street, listening to the sound of your own footsteps. Shutters closed, blinds drawn, doors locked against you. And you aren't sure whether you're walking toward something, or if you're just walking away.
You start life with a clean slate. Then you begin to make your mark. You face decisions, make choices. You keep moving forward. But sooner or later there comes a time where you look back over where you have been and wonder who you really are.
I don't know if I'm getting better or just used to the pain.
I know it seems like I'm this strong person who can get though anything, but inside I'm fragile. I've had so many things thrown at me, and each one has only made a crack. What I'm afraid of is shattering.
Maybe I am crazy but laughing makes the pain pass by.
I love sleep. My life has this tendency to fall apart when I'm awake.
I know what its like to want to die; how it hurts to smile; how you try to fit in but you can't; how you hurt yourself on the outside; to try to kill the thing that's in the inside.
Even the people who never frown eventually break down.
How can you understand me when I can't understand myself?
It's like I realized that way down inside, I've always been lonely for something. But I don't know what for. It's like everybody in the world wants something. Only they never really know exactly what it is - they just keep finding out what it's not. You know how, when you turn off the TV or you come out of some concert, and everything just feels empty? Like you thought that would be what you wanted, and then it wasn't?
You look at me and think, 'she's so happy' but there's so much behind this little smile that you will never know.
Do you ever have those times you cry and you don't know why?
People are always telling me to smile, like smiling is going to just take away all the hurt and pain. Well I've tried that I've tried hiding my sorrows and covering the sadness in smiles and what I've learned is that when it hurts this much inside your heart always has a way of showing it no matter how many masks you wear.
Let no one think I gave in.
The pain is there to remind me that I'm still alive.
It seems to me that the harder I try the harder I fall.
Refuse to feel anything at all, refuse to slip, refuse to fall, can't be weak, can't stand still, and watch your back because no one else will.
There's no excuse for the need to take your own life away, everyone passes through some rough obstacles in life, just face them as they come along, there's always a way to overcome those obstacles, and learn from your experiences.
If you can't solve it, it isn't a problem--its reality. And sometimes reality is the hardest thing to understand and the thing that takes the longest to realize. But once it hits you in the face you'll never forget it. It will always be there in your memories and sometimes that is the best way to look at it.
It's funny the way you can get used to the tears and the pain.
Sometimes the littlest thing in life changes something forever and there will be times when you wish you can go back to how things used to be but you just can't because things have changed so much.
I just wish I could roll back the clocks to when things were the same... then we were all just a bunch of crazy teenagers looking for a wild time. But now, thing aren't the same. Each of us has gone our different ways. We change, people change, things just change, and we aren't those crazy teenagers looking for a wild time anymore. We're teenagers looking for a person to love and a person to hug when we're in need.
Sometimes I think that if I wasn't so good at pretending to be, I'd be better at actually being happy.
I quit, I give up, nothing's good enough for anybody else, it see... when I’m all alone its best way to be. When I'm by myself nobody else can say good-bye. Everything is temporary anyway.
Everybody's searching for a hero. People need someone to look up to. I never found anyone who fulfilled my need... a lonely place to be, and so I learned to depend on me.
I'm hurting inside.
When your sure you've had enough of this life... don't let yourself go... because everybody cries... everybody hurts sometimes... sometimes everything is wrong.
Some of us are just trying to get through the day without falling apart.
Every night before I go to sleep I lie on my bed and stare up at my blank walls. I try to imagine the future, but right now it's as blank as those walls. All I can see is a past that I barely recognize any more.
I don't want the world to see me, because I don't think that they'd understand.
Look at me. You may think you see who I really am, but you'll never know me.
Do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being alone never was. At least when you're alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take 'I don't know' for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.
Some people try to understand, but nobody can know what living like this is like.
No one can see the pain what we hide, they're happy for us to keep it inside, our fear is our own; they don't want to know. Why should we involve them; why should it show.

TEARS ALWAYS ACCOMPANY ME ;)

Starting a new life.


Today I begin my new life, so begin a new life of greater fulfillment and happiness. Completely starting a new life for what ever reason can be difficult for anyone. Take the right steps to ensure that you will be safe and happy. 



Sara, start your new life. Be happy, be cute, be pretty, be good, be strong, be tough, and be positive. Sara you can do it, you still have your parents, your siblings, you friends, and you still got your awesome granny. 


YES SARA CAN DO IT !

Thank you for Everything.

Salehuddin Abdullah, Thanks sbb pernah hadir dlm hidup i. i hargai semua yg u buat utk i. I bahagia slame i ngan u, and i tahu u ta bahagia ngan i selama kite da couple around 7months, i tau dlm hati u de org len yg lebih brmakna. sorry i ta brmksud nak rampas kebahagiaan u ngn dia. sorry u. ok i da luahkan everything kat u segala-galanya tp u tak akan prnah fhm then its ok. ni keputusan i, kita clash! jgn tnye nape sbb pe pe slh u. u da bsar n u sndri tau pe slh u. jgn na tipu i. i tau segala-galanya saleh. i tau u sdn berpura-pura menyayangi i saleh. i tau everything yg u tatau saleh. I ta prnh bnci u saleh, i just anggap ni smue takdir i na i trime. ni smue akibat bile rmpas someone from others. I da dpt blasan i, im sorry u. Maaf, i da terlanjur mencintai org yg sememangnya hak org lain. ermm i minta maaf. i hrp lepas u bce ni, tlg jgn cri i or kwn2 i or my parents. pls tlg. i da tana de pape kaitan dgn u lg lps ni even as friend. i hrp u hormat keputusan i. i na lupekan segala-galanye. n kalu na minta maaf atas kesalahan u, da ta pelu. i da maafkn smue ksalahan u n da tade pe slh pn u ngan i ok. dnt worry i will be fine without u saleh :) 


Saleh, u ta pelu na jelaskan apa2 utk smue ni ok. I da tau sndri pe smue ni u. Jgn buang mase u na terangkn smue ni ok? I DAH BACA PUN :)

Ni i beli n i akan bg, i takan simpan smue brang yg i da beli utk my ex-boyfriend. so i akan bg sile terima n tlg jgn ckp ape2 pn, menyusahkan ke pe ke tlg la. i da belim ambek then anggap barang tu u beli sndri bkn dr i. pls. 


Ermm ni smue i beli ikhlas utk u, de lg, tp i gmbr yg len de kt laptop i ni laptop dady. ermm u jage la brg ni smue elok2 ok. Sory kalu brg ni ta seberapa sgt na dibandingkan ngan your love and your care towards me, even i not is not for me. Thankyou :)

I know it is difficult to let this relationship go. We have been through so much together that it hurts just recalling a tiny fraction of the time we spent as a couple. But i also know it will only hurt more if we let this relationship drift. Perhaps you will find that I'm trying to justify my decision to move on. To alleviate my guilt of leaving this relationship. Maybe I'm and for that I'm truly sorry. But I also strongly believe that a person as special as you deserves someone much better. Someone who can love and cherish you the way a lover should rather than depending on crumbs from a dying feeling which is better left buried. 
Therefore, this relationship is over. Harsh it may seem but I also want both of us to be happy. If I can't feel it in my heart, neither can I give you what you rightly deserve. That being the case, let us go and seek our own rainbows, which I'm sure will appear when the time is right.

I'm going to smile, because I want to make you happy, laugh, so you won't see me cry. I'm going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me, I'm going to smile. Here you are still hurting me, and I still forgave you. 

Thanks for everything, I love you with all my heart. Thankyou so much Salehuddin Abdullah.

THE END !

GOODBYE, TAKECARE.